Malicious pleasure. To derive enjoyment from another's misfortune.

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Thursday, September 07, 2006
Sometimes I'm not sure I'm as good a parent as I should be. Other times, I know I am.

I don't recall if I posted it here, but, in the fairly recent past, I asked my daughter if she wanted a Twinkie. Nine years old and she had no idea what a Twinkie was. Then, over the summer, she was offered a Fudgesicle. Again, she'd never had contact with such a creature. Even now, if asked what either a Twinkie or a Fudgesicle is, she may not be able to come up with an answer. It's not that I set out to raise my children without these things; some junk just isn't a part of our vocabulary.

But the defining moment came a couple weeks ago when she was out camping with a friend and the friend's family. In need of a few supplies while out in Podunktown, Nowheresville, they stopped in the local discount store. When they got home, my daughter said to me, "Mom, we went shopping in the grossest place. Have you ever heard of a store called 'WalMart?'"
posted by Diane 8:42 AM [edit]

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I told my son he really needed to choose a few sports in which to participate now that he's starting high school. I was thinking along the lines of swimming and/or diving.

He chose football.

I don't know that he's ever actually seen a game.

Of course, I immediately said no. What a dangerous-looking game! Worse yet, he wants to be a receiver. Isn't that the guy the other players chase and tackle? But he and my husband worked on me and I had to relent.

He's happy, he's committed, and he's playing well.

I just have to watch with my hands near my face so I can cover my eyes.

I also apparently have become the football team's MILF. Not sure if I'm flattered or disturbed.
posted by Diane 3:07 PM [edit]

I guess it wasn't just my knee that was damaged in the fall. After two weeks of unimproving pain in my wrist, I finally broke down and went to the doctor. I rejected the cast, but the splint has to remain in place for a few more weeks.
posted by Diane 3:00 PM [edit]

Saturday, August 05, 2006

I took the dog for a walk yesterday. While on the trail, we came across another dog and owner. That dog was having a fit, snapping at us and barking like crazy. I decided to shorten the interaction by jogging past them. While doing so, my dog cut in front of me and down I went. Now, my palms are skinned, my wrists are sore and I have two scabbed-over knees.

Cute, I know.

I thought some ointment would take care the problem. Then I tried walking down stairs. Yeouch!!! Going up stairs is no problem, but while going down, I had to use the rails as crutches. Which was fine at work. Then I went grocery shopping. And went down that one step from the sidewalk to the street. And down I went again, re-scabbing my knees.

posted by Diane 10:44 AM [edit]

Monday, July 31, 2006

My son wants a cell phone. I know I'll get him a cell phone. Eventually. Not now.

While we were visiting with my step-mother and half-sister in CA a couple weeks ago, my son started in again. "What if I need to call you? What if it's an emergency?"

I turned to my step-mother and sister and said, "Can I see your cell phones?" Both whipped them out.

So I turned to my son. "And THAT is why you don't need a cell phone."

I don't know that the boy has has ever touched a pay phone in his life. Which must be a sign of the times.

While in CA, I also visited my high school. I deserved a bit of a tour, considering the tens of thousands I've poured in as tuition and as alum donations. The school itself is gorgeous. But the thing I noticed gone? The two pay phones, which were installed in about 1989, during my reign.
posted by Diane 12:31 AM [edit]

Sunday, July 30, 2006

I've been writing lately. I mean, really writing. I have a number of chapters written and edited. My style? Think Laurie Notaro.
posted by Diane 11:50 PM [edit]

Sunday, May 28, 2006

My husband and I checked out several sites to find out what was the best vacation destination for us. And what to ask for when we got there. So while checking in, we requested a room far from the discotheque/steakhouse but with a hammock. And we got it. It was on the first floor, the second floor being preferable to me, but it was fine.

We soon realized we'd gotten one of the best rooms in the place. And why.

Two years ago, we stayed a resort in Playa del Carmen, Mexico. The place was crowded with Europeans. If we went to see the show, we had to arrive an hour early, and then we had to peer through masses of cigarette smoke. The discotheque was packed. And we rarely found consequetive beach or pool-side lounges.

This time? Totally opposite. Much to our suprise, we were there the last few weeks of the season, and it was the hottest weeks of the season. The resort was at only a quarter capacity.

When we went to the beach, it was not, "Where are two lounges next to each other?" It was, "Do you want those two lounges or those two hammocks?" And at the pool, it was, "Do you want two lounges in the sun or in the shade?"

The only bad part of this was that, when we wanted to book outside trips, we had to go through the resort, not the independent contractor on the beach. The IC needed a certain number of people while the resort could buddy up with other resorts.

We did a horse tour, booked through the hotel. We saw an amazing assortment of butterflies, crabs and even an ocelot before going up to a point and viewing the bay. The best part? We took the horses on a gallop along the beach. Not only did we find it exhilarating, but, apparenly, others did, too. Much like when we were in our wedding garb, people found it necessary to whip out their cameras to take their photos of us in action. I wouldn't be suprised to find our images elsewhere on the web.

We also did a canopy tour. Now, when we booked it, I was a little aprehensive as to what it contained. But, through my time and my gregariousness, everyone I'd met told me to participate.

Much to my amazement, I was thrilled. From tree to tree, I was filled with awe. My time on the ziplines was joyful. My only hesitation came during my time on the shaky tree stands. And while scaling the rock wall just hours after fending off a sexual predator. And after going to a town and warning off hopefuls that their careers were doomed simply by speaking to me.

But, to find out the rest of that story, you need to know me well.

If you hear of it directly, you're my friend. If you don't, consider your life a merciless drain on society.

Au revoir pour le matinant.
posted by Diane 1:08 AM [edit]

I know why you all gathered here today, to hear about my vacation. And so here it is.

The first part of our journey, we flew from Seattle to Dallas. Despite this being the longer leg, we were offered only a beverage and the option of purchasing a semi-meal. Gee, isn't it nice that executives can expect bonusus made off the growling bellies of paying customers who expect a freaking packet of peanuts on a four-hour flight?

But my favorite part came from the geography-impaired stewardess (and no, no one can change my semantic impulse to call them stewardesses as opposed to flight attendants). While running through the connecting gates for people on the flight, she seemed confused and stumbled over announcing our San Jose connection. In fact, she apologized for our "San Jose, California, flight leaving from the International Terminal D."

Now, I expect there to be a number of flights from the Seattle area to the Silicon Valley, connecting the two major areas of computer blahooey. But I also expect that a stewardess recognize the difference between San Jose, CA and San Jose, Costa Rica. One is in a Different Country!

Despite our ditz of a stewardess, we found our way to the proper terminal and gate and boarded on time. After a number of hours, we landed on a wet airstrip and disembarked on our Costa Rican journey.

Exiting the airport, we had to fend off a number of taxi drivers before being led to the one with our names on his board. And having to tip the leader. Much like the first time I landed in Phoenix, I stripped off my outer layer of clothing and asked, "Where is the air conditioning?!"

Driving to the hotel was an experience. An experience in terror! We both strapped ourselves in the middle seats of the van, the safest place in case of a collision. Never before had I seen cars driven so closely, nor so many honking horns. And I've driven in LA, during a rainstorm, during rush hour, while driving a manual transmission, while wearing high heels.

After getting settled in our hotel, we got directions to a non-hotel-affiliated restaurant. It was an adorable setting, but I was more amused by the European push to have carbonated water pushed versus the perfectly drinkable tap water.

The next day, we took a hop to Tambor. And when I say "hop," I mean it. There were twelve seats on the one-prop plane, not including the two pilots. But, more than that, they weighed our baggage and asked us our weights before boarding. When the pilots gave us instructions, they used the intercom. When, in actuality, we could have heard them better if they'd just turned around and talked to us.

My favorite part? It was when they sounded the horn (who knew planes had horns?!) and drove around the larger, two-propeller plane, that was blocking our way along the airstrip. Eventually, after I watched the scene long enough, I figured out it was not the plane that had a horn, but turning the wheel that set off the horn sound. Then we took to the air and I really worried about the abilities of the aircraft I had entrusted with my life.

I'm sure you're all breathing a sigh of relief we landed safely. After 30 minutes of terrifying swoops that would thrill the risk-taker and induce vomiting in the non-life-insured.

We landed on a short runway that bore up on us rather rapidly. The "airport lobby" consisted of two long benches out in the middle of no-where and no check in of any sort. Ah, the horrors of 9/11 have not touched every place in the world.

We settled into our air-conditioned van for the entire 90 seconds it took to get to our resort. Funny how it looked like a longer journey on the map.

We picked our dates because it looked like it was after Spring Break. The last thing we want is to share our expensive holiday with college students with Daddy's credit card. We earned this vacation, and we want our fellow-travelers to prize it, also.

Boy, did we pick the right week!
posted by Diane 12:19 AM [edit]

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I received an email from Barnes & Noble for a good price on DVDs. While perusing the selections, I raised eyebrows at some of the catergorization. Mansfield Park and Billy Elliot in Comedy with Space Balls and A Simpsons' Christmas? It just doesn't fit.
posted by Diane 11:45 PM [edit]

Thursday, March 30, 2006

I love TLC's new promos, the figurines. Love 'em! I'd buy a few, if they actually existed.
posted by Diane 10:38 PM [edit]

My daughter got her bite plate today. She was able to design it herself. She chose purple with a giraffe in it.

Isn't that cool?!

Thank g-d for dental and orthodontic insurance!
posted by Diane 9:40 PM [edit]

Sunday, March 26, 2006

I think it's horrible that these poor kids went to a party and were murdered.

In the meantime, I told my husband, "Look, the cop who was ambushed in the parking lot and shot in the face will get 2 inches of column on page B3 of tomorrow's paper."

I was wrong. He probably got 3 inches. But he WAS on B3.

Oh, in case you're confused, it's the first article. I know it isn't that important, a police officer being called to a dangerous situation, then being ambushed and shot in the face when he responds to help the people calling, but it did manage to warrant a few inches of column in the local paper. The question I have is, was he really being called to protect and serve or was he called to be murdered.

It's a question that faces the spouses of cops on occasion.
posted by Diane 11:33 PM [edit]

Something absolutely awful happened in Seattle.

It's the worst mass murder since the Wah Mee Massacre (spelling in dispute since it is a translation), an illegal gambling club shoot-up in the International District back when they were allowed to call it Chinatown.

Of course, when it first happened, most of the reporters were so short-sighted, they forgot about Wah Mee. They called this "the worst." But I knew about Wah Mee before I even moved to the area. It was that bad, that people in other states are familiar with it.

No one should forget the victims.

The building is chained and locked to this day.
posted by Diane 11:16 PM [edit]

Thursday, March 23, 2006

So when someone posts on a site something along the lines of, "So is her life so perfect? Or does she only post wonderful things?" do you really question it?

Um ... DUH! Some people only post the wonderful things. Some people post random bits of trivia. Some post only the bad things. Or there's some mix of it all. You can tell how people are posting by past posts. As Dr. Phil says, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior."

Just accept bloggers by their blogs and don't try to read into them. Unless it's my blog. Then read in all the crap that you want and assume a morally higher stance that you know what I mean more than what I actually mean.
posted by Diane 9:32 PM [edit]

Oh, there was another interesting thing that happened on the island. We got into a car accident.

We parallel parked on the street. The car parked in front of us pulled into the empty space in front of them. Then they put the car in reverse and rammed straight into our front end. After a stunned moment, they started to pull back onto the street to drive away. I guess they thought the better of it, because they pulled back in.

We all got out of our cars to inspect the damage.

Their little econo car had broken tail lights and a dented trunk.

Our SUV had some minor scratches on the plastic part of the bumper.

Why do I drive an SUV again? Oh, yeah.
posted by Diane 9:34 AM [edit]

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Yesterday, the husband, the kids and I all had the day off. What a rare occurence! And so we decided to take a day trip to one of the nearby islands.

We took a ferry out to the south end of the chosen island. During the ride, our daughter asked to be thrown overboard. Never one to deny his child, my husband pretended to oblige. He held her in his arms and pretended to throw her, never venturing within 6 feet of the railing nor letting her more than 6 inches from his body. This display earned the laughter of all 9 people on the deck.

It also earned a reprimand from one of the deck hands, sent down by the captain. Gawd, was he embarrassed to have to be the one to broach the subject.

Yep, this was right up there with the bomb-sniffing dogs who inspected every car. Twice.

Other than that, we had a great day. We visited two local wineries. We climbed all over a fort, including the ... er ... what do you call them? ... Ok, I call them catacombs. Call them tunnels, storage areas, bunkers, whathaveyou. We saw deer and rabbits, some coming up close to us in their search for food. We checked out countless antique stores, not that we found anything that even merited closer inspection.

All in all, it was a good family day.
posted by Diane 10:15 PM [edit]

Monday, March 13, 2006

Do I dip my toe back in the blogger pool? A lot has happened in the past several months, and I'm not sure I want that scrutiny.

Well, I guess I can always go back to just being a bitch on the boards. I tend to excel at that.
posted by Diane 9:03 PM [edit]

Thursday, October 13, 2005

I ran my first meeting as PTA president tonight and I am riding high. Our accreditation process is right on track. We're a star in the Certain Grant arena. Our budget is crap, hacked to the bone, but we're doing better than the local public school district (which earns honors as being one of the best in the nation. Why? I don't know. I wouldn't send my kids there. And I don't.). Now, if I could just find out how to get more warm bodies into seats, we'd be riding high.
posted by Diane 11:24 PM [edit]

Monday, October 03, 2005

My husband and I went to a party a few weekends ago. It was the yearly bash a friend of ours throws. Everyone there is either a biker or a cop. Or a biker who is a cop. Or the guest of a biker, cop, or biker/cop.
You get the picture.
Most of the cops, I already know socially. But the bikers are guys I only see once a year. And they're so sweet! Last year, they had to hunt around for a bit to find an extra helmet before I could ride with them. This year, a few of them specifically brought an extra helmet with me in mind.
The guy who owns the ranch and throws the party sold his horses. He turned the horse pasture into a dirtbike track, though, so I got to ride around that several times. What a blast! Then, before it got dark, I got to ride on the back of two different Harleys and an Indian.
This is the annual party where I learned from guys who have been riding 20+ years that, "There are two different kinds of people who ride motorcycles. Those who have been in an accident and those who are going to be in an accident." We, of course, discussed the difference between accidents that are the biker's fault and accidents that are the auto driver's fault. But all that doesn't fit that well into a catch phrase.
I also brought up the subject of riding without helmets. We're all of the same mind on that one. Make it legal to ride without helmets. The smart people will continue to wear their helmets and the idiots will up the number of transplanted organs available.
I mentioned an online group I used to post with and how a few of them took direct offense at both these topics of conversation and decided I hated motorcyclists. And we all had a pretty good laugh over that one. Especially after I mentioned I wasn't thrilled with any of them at the time they took that one bump in the dirt bike course at a particular angle and we went airborn.
One guy broached the topic and suggested the women who decided I hated motorcyclists were looking for a reason to dislike me and projected whatever insecurities they had onto me in an attempted defense because they knew I was right and they were wrong.
Not bad conjecture for some stupid, future organ donor, eh?
posted by Diane 7:45 PM [edit]

I just purchased flowers online. A friend of mine had a stillborn son. While I realize some of my readership will sniff and say, "At least she was able to get pregnant," I hope the rest of you will pray for her son and hope God will lift some of their sorrow.
posted by Diane 7:15 PM [edit]

Saturday, August 06, 2005

I was checking my email and received one about how people are still checking this site, hoping I'm post some more bon mots. I'm not sure whether to congratulate you or send a sympathy card. Between my part-time hours at one job and my supposed-to-be-part-time-but-now-they-need-me-full-time at another, then add in two children who need my attention and my grandmother-in-law who demands the attention of a newborn (but isn't as cute or rewarding), I've been busy. Look for my posts soon. I keep planning to come back.

posted by Diane 11:18 PM [edit]

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